20 things I want to do when I’m better

It is fast approaching two months since my body decided to throw an epic wobbly. Two months of pretty much being bed bound, unable to eat, a lot of vomit and watching an unhealthy amount of Four in a Bed. I don’t know when I’m going to get better. I don’t know if I’m going to get better, or if this is my new reality. I still don’t know what’s actually wrong with me, although recent tests are pointing to a likely diagnosis: a diagnosis that scares me shitless. More on that if/when I get a formal diagnosis.

Anyway. Being bed or sofa bound has given me a lot of time to think, which is both a blessing and a curse. So these are 20 things that I would like to do when I’m feeling a bit more healthy.

  1. Drive. Whilst I can still drive, due to malnutrition and lack of energy, I have been relying on taxi-of-mum most of the time. I can just about manage driving myself to GP and physio appointments, but anything more than that requires too much energy. I miss my freedom.
  2. See my friends. My friends are dotted all over the county. And they are wonderful wonderful people who have made sure that I still feel part of society, even if I’m physically unable to take part. But I would like to be able to go and visit them, instead of relying on them coming to me.
  3. Go  to York. I went to uni in York and it was hands down, the best three years of my life. Four years on from me graduating and I still pine for my student days. York is probably one of my favourite cities and holds many happy memories.
  4. Have a spa day. My lovely friend Claire has also been going through a pretty rough time recently. Tough times have definitely made our friendship tighter but my God, we more than deserve a day of pampering!
  5. Eat a meal. I don’t think if this will actually be possible but I can dream! It’s weird, I don’t miss food, the thought of eating makes me feel incredibly anxious because I know it will result in me being sick, but I miss the idea of food.
  6. Start studying again. I was at college doing a part time counselling course but have had to defer until September. I’ve been looking at various online courses and I think I’m going to enrol in a child psychology course. Online learning will give me the flexibility to study when I feel well enough, hence reducing pressure and stress.
  7. Go back to work. In January I was offered my dream job and was over the moon. I have worked really hard to get to were I am now, in terms of work and realising that I had to turn down my dream job to focus on my health was devastating.
  8. Go shopping. Self explanatory really. I love shopping.
  9. Exercise. I can’t wait to go swimming and go to the gym and rebuild my fitness back up.
  10. Go to the theatre. Going to the theatre is one of my favourite things to do, especially going to see musicals. The to-see list includes: Everyone is Talking About Jamie, Les Mis, The King and I, Kinky Boots, Hamilton and The Lion King (again).
  11. Have a holiday [not counting York]. Realistically, I won’t be well enough to go abroad this year and I’m not sure if it’s something I’d want to risk, but a short UK break somewhere will do. Ideas welcome.
  12. Properly wash my hair. At the moment, all I can really do is a quick shampoo because anything else exhausts me. RIP my hair.
  13. Meet people. You learn who your real friends are during crap times and the support I’ve received from people on Instagram has honestly moved me to tears. I want to be able to thank them in person and give them a huge hug.
  14. Join a choir. This had been one of my new years resolutions and that hasn’t happened, for obvious reasons.
  15. Drink alcohol. Man, I want a gin and tonic so badly.
  16. Go for a walk by the river.
  17. Move out. This is perhaps a slightly ambitious hope, but I had been planning on moving out this year.
  18. Have a belated pancake day. I still haven’t got over the fact that I couldn’t eat pancakes on pancake day because of my vomit comet status.
  19. Get through a whole day without saying “I’m tired.” I’m a funny one…
  20. Take my mum out to say thank you for effectively becoming my full time carer. She’s a good’un.

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