“I’m 24 and I’ve got everything to live for”

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So today I am 24 years old (or at least it’s today at the time of writing this). It’s been a tough couple of weeks and I’ve found the whole birthday thing hard to get my head around: I don’t feel like celebrating or worthy of attention/love/kindness however the rational part of me knows that I have some really really wonderful people in my life and it is okay that they care for me and want to acknowledge the day.

I think I’m probably at the age now where I need to accept that I am a proper adult. No more kidding about. I can’t go on nights out anymore and drink copious amounts, mixed with sourz shots and be okay the next day. I have rent and bills to pay. People keep asking me when I’m going the Settle Down and get married and provide my mother with grandchild. Children where I work with weren’t alive for the millennium and think that I’m old. One child went as far as asking me if freezers were around when I was a child.

But what is the reality?

I definitely don’t have my life sorted. Having children and getting married couldn’t be further from my mind. I want to pack a bag and go traveling, not be changing nappies. I have crap sleep anyway so I could do without adding a child to the mix. There’s so much pressure to confirm with society’s norms, sure I want to marry and have children but not yet. I need to sort my own shit out before I try and parent a child. And that isn’t selfish, it’s honesty.

I have no idea what I want to do with my life. At all. I had planned on returning to university and had a conditional place at the University of Oxford, to do a masters degree but for various reasons, this has fallen through. I’m annoyed but it isn’t the end of the world because I wasn’t 100% sure it was the right thing to do. I love my current job, but it isn’t a forever job. My mum likes to talk to me about life goals, I would rather talk about literally anything else.

What have I learnt in my 24 years of living?

It’s okay to not have everything sorted. I’m fine with saying that a lot of things in my life aren’t sorted, I don’t know when they will be sorted and I don’t know what I’m doing half the time. I’m a pro at bullshitting my way through situations.

Asking for help shows bravery, not weakness. No one can ever be expected to always do things alone. I can’t change a car tyre and probably never will be able to. Sometimes I’m not well enough to look after myself and whilst admitting that can be scary, it is the best thing to do. I can cope very well in the crisis when it involves other people but I am awful at dealing with my own because…well…I just don’t deal with them. On the same note, the NHS is fantastic.

I’m not always going to be right. But I do hate being wrong.

Sometimes, you just need to laugh at a situation.

Not everyone will have your best interests at heart. Some people are nasty and aren’t worth your time. That includes boys/men who use you for sex, girls who are two faced and bitchy and random people who pass judgement.

You will get your heartbroken but you will get through it.

Green eyeliner is not okay.

The internet is a blessing and a curse. I have met some of the most amazing people through the internet. I’ve also met some compete wankers.

You will learn a lot more from a book than you will from watching Eastenders/Hollyoaks/Coronation Street. Unless it’s written by Katie Price.

Death is inevitable and grieving is a slow and very personal process.

Listening to my body is not a bad thing. When it hurts I need to take note and stop pushing it to the extremes.

Exam results do not define you but your experiences in school are foundation blocks to your future.

You won’t find answers at the bottom of a wine bottle (or gin) and searching for answers there will probably end in tears and hanging your head over the toilet. But we’ve all been there.

You can’t choose family so be grateful for family members who aren’t morons.

Sometimes, the only thing to do is to chill the fuck out and remember that eventually, things will fall into place and it will be okay.

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